Women especially want their man to be in their power -- not coming to them like a needy little boy. This same issue comes up over and over with my gay clients as well. Feeling fully seen, accepted, valued and cherished are really wonderful experiences, and these feelings can generate the kind of safety that leads to intimacy, spontaneity and aliveness in the relationship and in the bedroom. Intimacy and passion do not flourish without time together to play, learn, grow, share and connect. Connect with Margaret on Facebook: Time for Connection When people date, they set aside time for each other -- time to connect, to share, to learn and grow and have fun. This can bring spice to your sex life as long as it is consensual. If your partner knows everything about you because you have stopped learning, growing and changing, boredom can set in. One of the quickest ways of losing your passion for your partner is to give yourself up to avoid rejection.
Date nights or date days on a weekend work wonders! If you tend to be controlling in a judgmental way while making love, this may be a turnoff to your partner. I'd love your comments about how you brought passion back in your relationship. What are they doing differently than the complaining couples? The issue here is whether or not you are taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and well-being. People who avoid conflict by giving in or withdrawing, or people who attack and blame and have to be right and win, create an unsafe relationship environment where conflicts don't get resolved. I agree that to truly understand it you must live it If you want your sex life to be fun and alive, you need to create time for fun and aliveness outside the bedroom. Control Most people like to be in control, but they hate being controlled. This same issue comes up over and over with my gay clients as well. I can honestly say it's some seriously satisfying sex. If one or both of you are controlling -- with judgment, criticism, anger, blame or neediness -- the other person may shut down to not be controlled. But in a set where you have not directly engaged your target, this should envoke some decent conversation IMO. Knowing you are very important to your partner can give you the safety to be free in the bedroom -- to experiment with things you've never done before, to let your partner in on your fantasies, to create some mystery such as special date nights where one partner is in charge of the day or the evening. Having worked with thousands of couples for the last 44 years, I'd like to share with you what I've learned about what keeps passion alive Throwing her down and fucking the hell out of her was just about the only way to get her to shut up for 5 minutes I've often heard women say, "When I visit my husband at work, I'm so turned on to him because he is coming from his personal power, but as soon as he gets home, he turns into a needy little boy and all the turn-on is gone. Feeling fully seen, accepted, valued and cherished are really wonderful experiences, and these feelings can generate the kind of safety that leads to intimacy, spontaneity and aliveness in the relationship and in the bedroom. Aliveness in the bedroom comes from aliveness in the relationship, which comes from the spontaneous flow that occurs when people feel safe with each other -- safe to be who they really are, knowing they will be accepted. Do you see conflict as a problem rather than as a learning opportunity? Time for Connection When people date, they set aside time for each other -- time to connect, to share, to learn and grow and have fun. Yet, some couples deeply enjoy their lovemaking with each other even in very long-term relationships. Augustine, FL Psych3r wrote: They did not allow their fears of rejection or their fears of engulfment the two common fears that often get in the way of creating a loving relationship to get in the way of their love -- at least not permanently. Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.
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